HMB’s idea was beautiful in its simplicity. Mama-Boom, the Baroness of The Capitalist Church of James, has long made her distaste for students known, and told Massi that she was “fucking desperate to spend money polishing the Redpath Library underpass with caviar or crude oil.” It was actually Heatha who came up with the barbecue idea.” “We had in mind a giant death pit that eats you up like in those Star Wars movies or even just like putting asbestos in all the buildings, the students were too switched on for that, we needed something creative. “To be honest that was a little surprising,” said Manthony Massi, Vice-Bulldog of Union-Busting, “I mean, we’ve not exactly been trying to make them feel wanted around here, we thought the never-ending icy-cold black nothingness of the deep netherworld would be a relief after the prices in the Redpath Cafe, but, no, they wouldn’t just allow themselves to be killed.” ”Īccording to Boy-Sweet, plans for the slaughter had been in development for several months, after focus-groups revealed students wouldn’t just walk to their deaths. We needed to speed things up, and quickly. “I mean, we’d tried to get rid of a bunch of the students before,” said Boy-Sweet, “but ‘procedure’ and ‘democratic norms’ meant things weren’t moving at the pace we wanted. “Teaching, books, food, walls, roofs, you name it students wanted it we needed a way to quickly stop a huge chunk of our money from being spent.”Īfter trying and failing to exclude dozens of “the S.C.U.M.” earlier in the year, Boy-Sweet said that the administration was forced to turn to “actually just murder” in order to get control of the receipts. “We were sinking money left, right, and centre into students,” PR Mascot Sweetie Boy-Sweet told The Twice-a-Weekly. Having tried flying the McGill flag at half-mast for a week, the administration decided that killing off a substantial part of the student body was the only way they could get to grips with the budget. The barbecue, ostensibly laid on by the administration to improve school spirit and foster open dialogue between students and administrators, was in fact a last-ditch attempt at budgetary management, following news that the Parti Québécois was stopping the planned tuition hike. At least 2,000 students are dead and hundreds more are in a critical condition after eating burgers and hotdogs provided by the McGill administration at last Thursday’s free barbecue.
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